Internet Dating - Oh The Joys!

I love t'internet, it's one of my favourite things and what better place to meet someone. I mean, why wouldn't you? A huge melting pot of diverse people to choose from, what can go wrong?

So for the uninitiated, generally it goes like this. You browse the profiles, you take your pick and strike up a conversation. If it turns out that the chat is as good as the profile you put your big brave pants on and go on a date.

Of course sometimes you don't make it past the conversation because sometimes you are reminded that t'internet houses a huge melting pot of diverse people (there's that phrase again) and some of these people have quite specific "interests".

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm no prude but it never fails to surprise me what people will reveal to a complete stranger.

Take exhibit a. We'll call him Dave. Dave's profile ticked quite a few of my boxes, he was in the right age range, he was local, he appeared to be single and he wasn't too shabby.

So I sent him a message and yay! He replied. The chat started off innocuos enough, hi how are you etc etc. And then he asked my favourite question:

So what are you looking for?

This question provokes two responses in my brain. 1) Errrr it's a dating website. Surely the clue is in the name? 2) You are clearly after a quick shag. I had, however, recently been berated for being too picky so against my better judgement and ignoring the roaring noise of my internal bullshitometer I carried on the conversation and told Dave about wanting to find someone for the long term without using words that screamed "I'm in my 30's, childless and alone!".

We carried on chatting and started leading up to sorting out a date.

And then the fun really started.

Dave explained what he would like to do on the date. He wanted to go to a bar and he wanted to surreptitiously grope me under the table in my lady garden area. Dave explained this in quite some detail.

At this point I have decided that this date will not be happening, part of me is running screaming for the hills. But then a part of me is intrigued as to how far this is going to go so I thought sod it, let's carry on.

Oh and I'm so glad I did.

Dave's date did not end with the groping under the table, oh no.

Oh no Dave wanted to take me home and then he wanted me naked. 

Then Dave wanted me on the floor.

So far, so relatively normal if not a bit forward.

Then Dave wanted to shave me.

And I'm not talking about my legs.

SORRY WHAT????

It was at this point that I fell about laughing.

Needless to say, I never did meet Dave. I'm not sure what the circumstances would be where I would let a stranger at me with a razor. But I suppose if nothing else, at least he had the (surely shaved) balls to ask.

Thanks for reading
Lard
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