Don't Contact Me If... Part 2

Last month I posted this and it ended up being one of my most popular posts - Thanks for that. It's also one of the posts that I've spoken about with the few of my friends that know I blog. I've talked about it so much and been given so many ideas, I've added to the list!

So here goes.

Don't contact me if:

- You're homophobic.
- You have manky teeth.
- You're a fan of meaningless tribal tattoos.
- You have a barb wire tattoo that does not go all the way round your arm.
- Your first message only consists of the word "Hi" and your second message 2 seconds later is a dick pic.
- You've contacted me before I've given you the brush off. If you don't accept no as answer now it does not bode well for the future.
- You're a big fan of The Only Way Is Essex, Made In Chelsea, Geordie Shaw or anything else of that ilk.
- The same goes for anything Kardashian related.
- You're offended by women swearing.
- You won't cope with me having friends who I will be spending time with, sometimes without you. Chicks before Dicks.
- Your profile picture is you and your ex. I will assume that it is unfinished business.
- You are offended by everything because you have no sense of humour.
- When paying for something at the shop/kiosk/bar etc you throw your money on the counter instead of handing it to the person serving you.
- You have ever uttered the words "I pay your wages" to a public servant.
- You are Dave.
- You are Dave 2.

To the people who helped contribute, thanks very much. If you have got any others for the list comment below or contact me at the twitters @rantingsoflard

Thanks for reading
Lard
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The Happy List

I recently read this post by Lauren at Keep Calm It's Only A Blog and having had that exact same feeling in the not so distant past of being stressed out about everything, I thought I'd have a go at making a happy list too.

1) Cocktails in the park. Or in this case, the garden. For the last few years, 3 friends and I have got together in the summer to make and drink cocktails in the park. Usually it's a park in South London, this year it was the garden and it was fab.

2) The beach. I live a good 2 hours from the coast so any trip to the beach always makes me happy. I'm pretty sure I was in fact meant to live by the sea.

3) Shamelessly watching multiple episodes of boxsets on a Sunday afternoon. My recent viewings are Suits, Mad Men and Scandal. All of which are highly recommended. Thanks to Sky On Demand (one of my favourite things in the world) there are definitely more stories to be discovered.

4) Leaving work early on a Friday. I don't get to do it very often but getting home at 4.30 makes me very happy!

5) Amazing medical/science stories like this. They made ears out of his ribs.
Again, ears out of ribs. Amazing.

So there's my happy list for now. What would you add? Comment below or you can find me on the twitters @rantingsoflard. You can also follow me on Bloglovin.

Thanks for reading
Lard
x

Photo Post

As promised, here's the 2nd part of this July's photo post. We'll ignore the fact that it's now August....

You can find the first part here.

The obligatory scenery shot

Another night away from and this time I got a proper bed!

Mini burgers from Coast to Coast in Birmingham

After a manic few weeks at work I got the ferry to go to Ireland. More about that soon.

Here are the links to the previous photo posts:

 March April May June

You can also find me on the twitters @rantingsoflard

And on Bloglovin

Thanks for reading

Lard

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